Thankful for the Freedom of Surrender
Merv and I started going to online church together. It took a while, but he eventually agreed.
A couple weeks ago, I had myself a nice big pity party. I was tired of Florida. I wanted to go back to PA. There was a church there I wanted to attend because I could sing there. If Merv insisted, and everything, including God, insisted I had to stay here, then I had to do what I had to do to put down roots. I was going to make local friends, God help me, and then I’d be happy! I was mad at Church online because there didn’t seem to be much to do with social media teams, and I was mad at them for disbanding the prayer team I was apart of. How could they? Parts of their site are inaccessible. No one cares! They were doing a series at the time called “At the movies.” It was so visual. What an inaccessible church! Even though, many series did speak to me, and I met many friends and groups there. And doesn’t everyone say that online friends aren’t the same? Despite the evidence I’ve seen to the contrary, it must be true. I must just really try harder for face-to-face contacts.
Never mind that Merv would feel abandoned if I left him for a local church, something he was not ready for. Never mind if I knew it would upset him. Never mind the little nudges from God, that He is my all-Sufficient one. Never mind friends I could contact for help in my loneliness. I told Merv I was going to this local church. In my mind, he’d just have to deal.
The Freedom Of Surrender
Our relationship took a step backward. I went. I can’t explain it. If you go against God’s will, you feel like you are “pushing against the goads” as Paul was told by Christ in the book of Acts. You know it. I never realized how much. I had tried to get in to serve with another ministry. Doors never opened. The church I went to felt like I just didn’t fit. I can’t point to anything specifically that was totally and absolutely a deal-breaker. There was one thing that bothered me, but I could have gone back and asked for an explanation of that one thing to gain clarity; however, I didn’t feel a need to because even apart from that, I felt like a square peg in a round hole.
I came back and convinced Merv to go back with me to the worship service we had been attending. He had told me he would not do so if I left him to go to this church.
I started reconnecting with my friends from Church online. I joined another life group and offered to help lead Katiedash’s life group, since I have led and enjoyed leading with her in the past. All of those doors opened. When there was an inaccessible area in the application for life group leader I had to fill out, she was able to get on zoom with me and do it for me. And it was all a formality anyway. Everything has fallen into place, and my marriage has come back to where it was, basically, before this happened. It’s like my husband, and God, gave me another chance to get it right. All I had to do was surrender.
The Freedom Of Surrender
I read a devotion today, and the woman in it said that her husband felt called to quit his job and that they were to move. There were no absolute answers as to where, or what kind of situation it would be. She wanted the answers, but God whispered to her to submit. So she did. I didn’t listen when God whispered that to me. But I am believing, and praying, I learned that lesson and will do so next time.
IN closing, I just want to say, surrender to God. Don’t fight it. Submit. You will experience such utter freedom that you can’t imagine. I promise you, it’s not something you will believe until you actually experience it. It defies logic, but that’s how God is. Give it a try. I promise, you won’t regret it. Being obedient to God and His desires will make things fall into place for you like never before. No, I’m not saying you will get a new house or a new car necessarily, but by obeying and getting close to Him, your desires will line up with His. What is important to Him will be important to you, and those things are the ones that will fall into place. May god bless all of you reading this as you become closer to Him, and I pray you do so, each day!
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